The Keyboard

You’ve just bought Super Meat Boy for your PC. You’ve already beaten it on console, but saw it on Steam and thought “hey, why not?” The game loads, and suddenly you realise: you’ve never played this with a keyboard before. You brush away the thought. How hard can it be?

You beat The Forest without much difficulty, and move onto The Hospital. Now it gets tough. You begin to notice how tiny these keys are, how annoying they are to press, and all of a sudden, you realise how much easier playing with a controller is.

But still, you continue to play, getting angrier and angrier, dying again, and again, and again, until finally, you snap! You throw the keyboard against the wall in a rage, keys shattering everywhere, and the keyboard rebounds, bashing into your monitor! The screen cracks, and it falls, knocking over your drink. It spills onto your PC, and it bursts into flames, engulfing your desk! In minutes, the room is ablaze. Treasured items are burning, your expensive electronics are lost to the unforgiving flame, and you can do nothing but watch. You call 999, screaming for help, and 10 minutes later, they’re there…

But it’s  too late. By the time the fire is out, your room is destroyed. What’s left of your PC is a smoldering shell, and the acrid stench of burnt motherboard fills your nostrils. Why hadn’t you just used the controller?! It would have been so much easier! You fall to your knees, tears streaming down your face, cries of sorrow and agony echoing around you. Finally, your chest heaving, you let out the final sob, and just sit there. Silent.

Then, you realise. It was so clear, all along… How had you not noticed? This would never have happened with a controller; This happened because of a keyboard! Finally, with this realisation, you come to the inescapable, unavoidable, inevitable truth of the situation…


Controllers are better than keyboard.

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